Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
