Having a random hookup so left but love u
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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