I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
