Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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