This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
