no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize