oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
