He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
