My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
