So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
