Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
