Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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