sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i may or may not be watching the land before time
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
