the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
