Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
