if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
