Ketchup is God's man juice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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