im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
