Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
