Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
