margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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