It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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