I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
