too bad you live with your parents still
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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