loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
