Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
