The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
