Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
