I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
