just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
