Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
