i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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