just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
