woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
