It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
