Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
