Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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