Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
