You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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