Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize