His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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