Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
