her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
