I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
