i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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