Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
