I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
