i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Alive.
So much puke
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
