It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
