i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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