So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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