I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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