what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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