I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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