can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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