and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
