i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
