Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
