i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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