Pappa wants mamma naked
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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