problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
