we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize