seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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