So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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