I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize