I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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